A magazine (unknown/passed on second hand) recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest.   They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers.   These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America: "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." -- winning quote from Fred Dales @ Microsoft Corporation in Redmond, Washington "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." -- Anonymous (Oops!) @ Lykes Lines Shipping "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." -- Accounting Manager @ Electric Boat Company (Tie for #3) "This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." -- Advertising/Marketing Manager @ United Parcel Service   .. huh? "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." -- Plant Manager @ Delco Corporation (Tie for #4) "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." --- R&D Supervisor @ Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corporation Quote from the Boss .. "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." -- Marketing Executive @ Citrix Corporation My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said:   "She died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year." He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said:   "That would be better for me." -- Shipping Executive @ FTD Florists "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." -- Switching Supervisor @ AT&T Long Lines Division Okay -- people!     Back to work! This constitutes your break/lunch break/shift break! No breaks???   .. consider yourself lucky, then! -- Frank Picchione @ Shop Las Vegas! More???

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